Regret.

I have no life left in my soul because I have loved and lost. I gave her it all and now I have nothing left but the effort I didn't give.

All my life I believed that to love someone was admirable and noble, something to be proud of and be rewarded for with the same. Now I know to love someone without doubt is to be tortured beyond any means. To love someone is to vulnerable forever.

I still think the sun shines out of her ass. I still know that I am better than what I was. I still think we can reconcile. However, the realist in me says optimism is great but you have to change your sails and go where the wind is blowing. The pessimist says there is a tornado.

Overall, I just want to sail back to that harbor where I fell in love, then sail back out bravely with you by my side. I was always going to make the shore, but sharing the journey was going to be the best part. There is nothing unnatural and nothing to be ashamed, about having regret. I don't regret loving you.